Friday, August 30, 2013

What Happens When I Can't Sleep

Alright.  It is 1:03 in the morning as I start this post.  Wait.  Change that.  1:04.  Alright.  While this might not seem late for some of you, this is super late for me.  I am the person who usually goes to bed by 11 at the latest.  For the first two months of my freshman year of college, my roommate and I were always in bed by 9:30.  PM.  In case I needed to clarify.  So that fact that I am awake right now is strange.

I came to bed around 11:30.  Then I watched the end of the episode of Dance Moms that I was watching.  (No shame.)  I thought, "Hey now.  Maybe I am tired!  Let's try sleep!"  So I closed my computer and closed my eyes.  Of course, that is when I got it into my head that I should start a vlog.  I mean, I like videos.  I like to talk.  I like to tell stories.  How perfect would this be!

Alright.  By this point, I have decided that I need to start working on the vlog right away.  I find a website where I can do free animations.  I attempt to make an opening sequence on this for a while.  This proves to be unsuccessful.  Then I look at some websites that could help me create a logos for free.  One website says it is free and then I learned that I have to pay $70 to buy the logo if I like it.  Umm... That is not free people.  Another website wanted my logo to look like Shrek.  So I ditched that idea.  So I open iMovie and start playing with that.  I discover that the wall color in my room serves as the perfect green screen.  I start putting awkward dance videos over different backgrounds.  The only problem is that my door in all of the videos is slightly green because of the way the light is hitting it so it acts all funky in the video, half showing up, half disappearing.  It was weird.  Then I decided that I might be able to edit out the door.  That was unsuccessful.  So then I deleted everything and turned to Google.

(This might be a good time to mention that, due to a lack of outlets by my bed, I am sitting in the dark.  I look like this.)

(I also feel like I should explain my problem.  I only have two outlets in my room.  My phone is plugged into one and my computer into the other.  And my computer is a vital part of attempting to start a vlog in the middle of the night so it needs to be plugged in because I ran the battery down watching Dance Moms earlier today while I crocheted a Union Jack.  And I am far too lazy to get up and walk the two feet to the light switch to turn on the overhead light.  Because if I turn it on, I have to turn it back off.  And, as I mentioned before, I am just too lazy.  I mean, it is 1:15 in the morning!  I can't be expected to get up and walk!)

Alright.  Now I have completely sidetracked myself.  Where was I?  Oh right.  Google.  I decided that I would Google "How do vloggers come up with their themes?"  This seemed pretty straight forward to me.  I want to know how they make their title screens!  Google did not understand the logic of my thinking and corrected "vloggers" to "bloggers" which led me to some confusing results until I realized that I was looking at results that were not related to what I wanted.  So I finally get it to recognize "vloggers" and the results all tell me how to successfully become a vlogger.  Which would be great except that they all say, "What creates a good, successful vlog is a good idea and luck."  Huh.  That isn't extremely helpful.

(OK.  So I felt the need to show you how incredibly lazy I am being.  So I took a picture of my lightswitch.)

(Alright.  Let me explain this picture.  See that small, glowing thing by the door?  That is my lightswitch.  And the white headboard on the left is my bed.  Which I am sitting it.  It really isn't that far away...)

(Another side note about the lights:  While I was waiting for that picture to transfer from my phone to my computer, I realized that I had to go to the bathroom.  I turned the lights on on my way out of my room so that I could find my way out and then back.  Once I got back, I turned my lights off because my brain said that I was going to bed and didn't need them on.  It wasn't until I was back in my bed looking at my computer that I realized what I had done.  Oh man.  My life can be so hard at times.)

Alright, so Google wasn't helpful.  In fact, it scared me a little.  It kept telling me that I needed to spend crazy amounts of money on cameras and stuff.  I just wanted to tell people entertaining stories!  I just wanted to entertain people!  I don't have money to buy cameras and tripods and screens and lights and everything!

So, by this point, I am confused about my feelings about vlogs.  I promptly close every window I have open that had been working in some way on the vlog.  I delete the pictures off of my desktop that I had gathered to put into my vlog.  And then I look at the clock.  It is one in the morning.  (That was then.  Now it is 1:28am, for anyone who is keeping track.)  So that scared me.  My face does this.

I then decided that, in my sleepy-yet-unable-to-sleep state, I should write a blog post about this!  What a great idea!  Which brings us to now.  And I am no closer to being able to sleep than I was before.  I could read but that brings back the problem of the lights which I have no want to solve.  And I bought a new book light for exactly this circumstance but he is downstairs because I thought he was awesome and wanted to show him off to everyone.  I say "he" because my book light is Buzz Lightyear.  It is pretty much the coolest.  

Who cares that it was made for children?  It matched my Toy Story poster!  (I found that picture online because I didn't want to walk all the way downstairs to get mine.  Thank you!)

Oh my goodness.  This has gotten to be quite long.  I bet most people stopped reading pretty early on.  For those of you who have made it this far, I commend you.  In fact, if you leave a comment with your first name, I will write you an acrostic in one of my up coming posts.  Or, if I wake up and still think that making a vlog would be fun, I will read the acrostic poem dramatically in video form.  Yeah.  One of those two things will happen.  I cannot tell you which because it is 1:37 in the morning and these are the crazy ramblings of someone with insomnia.  BUT I promise that the whole poem thing will happen.  In either text or video.  OK.  Now I am going in circles.

What?  You are still here?  I didn't lose you with my circular talk in the last paragraph?  Wow.  I am honored that you are reading this.  Thank you for spending a valuable part of your day and life reading the crazy ramblings of someone who can't sleep.  That really means a lot to me.

OK.  I should attempt to go to bed again.  Or see what is on Netflix...  (For the record, I am going with Netflix.)  

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Let's All Dance Awkwardly!

It is that time again!  Awkward Dance Wednesdays!

This week's song is Pompeii by Bastille.  Enjoy!

Saturday, August 24, 2013

Trying Something New...

Stop the presses.  I have news.

For the first time in at least 6 years I have bought new running shoes.

Sure, they were cheap and I had a coupon, but that is how I shop.  Love cheap clothes.  Also, for those of you who do not know me well, this is a big deal.  I am quite anti-excercise.  I do not really enjoy and I do not really understand people who do.  Why would you want to go run (on purpose) when you could be doing something fun like watching Mike Birbiglia comedy specials on Netflix?  (Oh yeah, I know how to have a good time.)  But it has become clear to me that I am going to need to get on the exercise wagon and so I have decided that I am going to attempt this whole thing.  This is going to be quite the experiment.  I have downloaded an app that will motivate me to run (by telling me that zombies are chasing me) that was recommended to me by Abi and now I have shoes.  What more do I need?

Also, I have been told that I have a really dorky run.  So this will be interesting.

Watch out world.  Portia is going to attempt exercise.  This could get scary.

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

It's That Time Again!


Today's song is Safe and Sound by Capital Cities and guest stars friends Abi and Matt!

Wednesday, August 14, 2013


I am excited to announce a new weekly feature to this blog: AWKWARD DANCE WEDNESDAYS!  Each week, on Wednesday, I will be posting a new awkward dance performed by me and others.  (This week's guest star is my very own dog, Tara!  And boy is she awkward.)

This week's song is Out of My League by Fitz & The Tantrums.

Enjoy and let me know if you have any song recommendations for AWKWARD DANCE WEDNESDAYS!

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Hey Everyone! It's Jessica's Birthday!

Today Jessica turns 20.  This is Jessica.  And me.

Jessica is an awesome, amazing person who I am honored to call my best friend.  We met almost two years ago as freshman.  It is a good thing that we only lived 3 rooms away from each other because otherwise we probably would never have met (cause I am terrible at meeting new people, as is she and our academic interests are so completely different).  Since then, we have had some amazing adventures.

We voted in our first presidential election together!  (Well, separately but at the same time.)

She hung out with me practically every time I was on duty last year.  (That is an awesome friend because that could be quite boring at times.)

We do cool things like wear felt goatees and hang out in blanket forts.

We went to Chicago once to participate in a Save Community flash mob.  Only 4 other people showed up.  It was still awesome.  Odd, but awesome.  

(This is a picture from another Chicago trip.  Pretty much sums up our relationship.)

Together we remembered that we do not like metal music.  We prefer quieter things.

We almost died together.  Well, we weren't actually in any danger but it sure was scary.  We were sitting in my room last year, minding our own business, watching something on Hulu or Netflix or one of those sites when there was a loud CRASH on one of the windows.  It was so loud and sudden that we couldn't exactly figure out where the sound had come from.  We moved to the floor, as far away from the windows as possible and Skyped our friend Becca on the other side of campus, who took this screenshot of us freaking out.

For the record, it was a pumpkin.  Someone threw a pumpkin at my window.

FUN FACT ABOUT JESSICA: She makes a fantastic Swedish Chef.

I don't know where I would be or who I would be if I had not met this amazing girl.  Happy Birthday, Jessica!  Congrats on leaving your teenage years behind!

Monday, August 12, 2013

All the Faces!

I am really good at making weird faces.

Like, very good.

Like, INCREDIBLY good.

Like what you see?  I have an entire tumblr devoted to these faces.  Check it out here!  You won't regret it!

Why Hello There!

Hello reader and welcome to my blog!  This is my first venture into this strange world but I hope to break my way in and do some entertaining while I am at it.

The fact that I have made it this far is exciting.  It took me at least 45 minutes of staring at this screen
 to finally come up for a name for this blog.  So welcome to The Sequinbeast!  It was hard for me to make a commitment to a name.  Cannot imagine what naming a child must be like.  That is a much bigger decision.  Oh man.  I am going to stop thinking about that.

Moving on.  I know what you must be thinking.

What is this "Sequinbeast" that the blog is name after?  Well, let me introduce you all to...

THE SEQUINBEAST!  He is pretty cool.  I made him.  He has his own Facebook page.  Sometimes he goes on adventures.  And he lent his name to this blog even though it isn't going to be about him.  How nice is that?

Alright.  Now about me.  I am a college student going into my third year in about a month.  (Yikes!)  I am studying Theatre and English, which means that I am getting some of the most useless degrees possible.  I am heavily involved in improv (yeah Optimistic Feral Children) and hope to do that professionally once I am out of school.  When I am not at school, I work at Barnes & Noble where I attempt to make money to pay for the stupidly expensive school I go to but I end up spending more money than I would like to admit on books.  Darn you, employee discount!

My plan for this blog is to tell stories about the ridiculous things that I do in my life (cause I am a total spaz).  Stories like that one time when Abi and I decided that drinking Venti Mocha Frappachinos was a good idea.  (It wasn't.  Our brains vibrated.  We almost passed out at an art exhibit.  It was exciting.)  Stories like that.  The random musing of my mind will probably end up here as well.  Because why not?

Alright.  I should wrap this up.  Thanks for reading.  I will leave you all with this picture of my strange dog who believes that she is much smaller than she is.